So tomorrow comes the end of my 46th trip around the sun. As many know my birthday to me, is a celebration and a testament to my commitment to fight for my life on my terms. Every year I set my new resolutions as that makes more sense to me than at New Years. Last year I resolved to row 25km a month, put my phone down before bed, go to be earlier and to eat better. I managed to master the rowing resolution. I have been rowing for a whole year now and have amassed over 600km rowed.I have failed miserably at going to bed earlier and not having my phone on at bed time. I have also not eaten better. So for the start of my 47th trip around the sun I am once again resolving to:
- Go to bed earlier
- Shut my phone down by 10 pm
- Try to make better meals for myself
- Continue my rowing challenge
- Get my ass off of social media and use that time more productively
- Play with Cali more and brush her teeth
- Spend more time with my parents
Tomorrow I plan to sleep in, watch RHONY, go out for lunch, take Cali to off-leash, workout with my posse at 4:30pm and then supper with mom and dad. I might buy myself some flowers. The big party is on Sunday where I will host many of my favourite people at an Afternoon Tea Party.
Yesterday we launched the documentary that I was a part of this past March. It was received with so much love. I heard from people i went to elementary school with, acquaintances, strangers, all my great friends and of course my family. It was actually overwhelming. The majority of comments was that I am inspirational and as that makes me feel a little bit uncomfortable I am ok with that. I hope that the way I live my life, fight through my demons, share my talents, teach my truths, will enable someone else to do the same.
This is the only life we get and it has an expiry date. No one knows when times up. There is no tomorrow for certain. How long will your jug of milk last??? Every day is a miracle, every breath is a gift, every obstacle overcome is a victory, every person loved is a treasure and every year we go around the sun is a compilation of all the good and all the bad we have faced in our entire lives. All the memories, heartache, loves, losses, triumphs, trials, pain, hurt, adventures, experiences, disappointments, and conquests are what make us, us.
I know that I have really hard times ahead and I never plan any further than weeks in advance but I do find something in everyday that I am here, that is awe-inspiring, even if it is going up the stairs without oxygen or seeing Cali play with a toy. Finding joy in the darkness is pretty hard to do some days but its there if you look real hard.
I often find myself being overtaken with this clarity, this pure feeling of bliss. It is fleeting but at that very moment the world is perfect to me, a tiny glimpse of Heaven. I love when those moments happen. I think that God gave me that 6th sense so I get to look forward to my cross over when the time comes. I will not fear my death.
If you haven’t seen the amazing documentary that was built by Laura O’Grady, Patrick MacGlaughlin and Dean Evans here is the YouTube Fighting For Breath link:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ZRuYu-lYl0
It is a glimpse into what it takes for me to get to my bliss, to find my peace in what is a very chaotic life. It is a full life I lead and I am grateful and beyond blessed. I know I have been touched by God. I am very fortunate. I have so much support in my life that it is impossible for me to fail at anything and they all get best supporting actors in my life movie!
So with this, I bid you adieu. I wish you bliss, good health and so much love,
N
“Get busy livin’ or get busy dyin'”
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