When You Know You Won’t Live Long, You Make Different Decisions

“You know there’s being scared to die and know when it’s coming, when you know it’s coming, tomorrow stops factoring in to your decisions, cause you know you’re never gonna see it…and then you live, you realize you ain’t dead, you’re not gonna die,and now you gotta face all them decisions you made, and out of all that, you gotta figure out how to let yourself start living again.” John Dutton- Yellowstone

Since last week, I have had a therapy session, upped my anti-depressant dosage and re-adjusted my financial future. It’s been a busy week.

So why did I reach out to the clinic’s shrink? Well I have been struggling with finding the happy parts of my day. I am very good at focusing on the things that make me happy and when I couldn’t find those, I realized I needed to talk it out. I came to several realizations.

1. I am human. I am weak. I am strong. I am sad. I am happy. I am normal and I am abnormal. I am generous. I am selfish. I am kind. I am mean. I am hard-working. I am lazy. I am an aloof rebel. All of these statements are true. I am an imperfect sentient being trying to find my way. We are all these things. I am trying to be less sad, less mean, less weak, less abnormal and less lazy. I need to lower my expectations of myself when I am struggling mentally.

2. It’s ok to ask for help.

3. You have to do the work to be less sad, less mean, less weak, less abnormal, and less lazy.

4. Every day is a fresh start.

5. Every night is the end of a bad day.

6. If you are good to people, people will be good to you.

7. You cannot change the past.

8. Forgive yourself always.

9. Change is hard. If you want something different you have to do something different.

10. A rut is a rut. To get out of a rut you have to jump high and hard to get out.

11. TV and cell phone are thieves of time.

12. New perspectives bring new solutions to old problems.

So, as I head into a new day with a new set of rules I will become more happy, more kind, more normal, more generous and more hard-working. Easier said than done, but that’s the next rule…

13. Put the phone down, turn the TV off and join my life again.

Thank you to those who read this and don’t be scared to reach out. I know my wall is hard to scale but I will never turn away the people who climb over!


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