How I die…this is funny!

As many of my fellow end stage CF warriors know, when its time for oxygen, you are very emotional and quite frankly very sick. I’m not going to focus on that in this blog but rather the way I am going to die.

Death by strangulation.lol. This is not a serious post. It is supposed to be funny, so please read it and laugh!

I have a 2500sq.ft. house and therefore I have a 50′ oxygen leash. I find myself cursing almost every minute I try to walk from room to room. I also find myself in shock when I see what my hose is caught up on, like a small shoe or its been turned into 45 knots. Its these knots that baffle me. How do you get a full under/over knot when I am physically not going under/over? Its like the elf on the shelf is being an asshole 24/7.

I believe that my ears are getting stretched out and pulled from my head so that soon I will be able to hang coats from them or start getting wi-fi.

I actually have found that I get more exercise when I have to back track to find where my hose has been caught up. Nothing like making the same trip twice when you can barely blow out Birthday candles! Its gets even more exciting when Cali decides she’d like to follow me around, which is 24/7. It’s particularly awesome when I am walking up the stairs with a load of laundry and Cali steps on my leash, ripping it off my face and making me land in a laundry basket full of clothes face down with her licking my head. Just picture the headlines “Woman found dead face down in a load of laundry strangled by her dog”.

When these things happen, poor Cali gets to hear those beloved curse words of mine. Oh if she wrote her own memoir, the stories she would share.

Now when you walk all over your house and turn right and left etc. The tubing just keeps twisting, especially up by your neck. This is when strangulation becomes a problem. Not only just with walking but also as I turn in my sleep. I usually wake up at some point with the oxygen blowing in my ear or on my neck. Think of a drunk falling into bed with their glasses on while splayed out on the bed, thats me. Sometimes I catch Cali taking some tokes when it totally comes off of my face. When I finally realize I am gasping for air, I quickly grab it to let it untwist,like a 1980’s 20ft phone cord. Yes, you kids, we used to have phones attached to walls with cords that could reach the heavens. I just chalk this up to another face to face with the grim reaper.

I honestly wish there was some way to elevate the tubing to the ceiling and use it like a tethered dog in a big yard. At least its off the floor and not getting snagged by a simple shoe. Lastly, if this leash can get caught on something it will!! It gets caught on the most mundane, stupid small, almost impossible to catch on things like the edge of a Kleenex box, the bottom of a propane tank that is outside my back door, it even gets caught on air- I am sure of. Its the elf just giving it a tug and then running away. That little f%$#@er! So when you read my obituary and it says Here lies Nicole Marie- untangled and free- you will know what happened.

N

2 Comments

  1. C Garnsey

    No time to leave us my lovely friend – you have burpies to do, countries to walk virtually, Foundations to run, awards to receive, a sweet dog to feed, Blogs to write, a gym to run and way too many friends and family who need your inspiration. Can I write letters, phone MP’s, steal some lungs? That transplant will be no walk in the park, that is for sure but we are not letting you go anywhere for as long as we can help it. Just say the word – or don’t. Either way we all need to know how to help – even if that is signing up to do burpees 😉
    Love you Nick and love your blog so far. CBC may be calling you next for a new writer! Xo Colleen

    Like

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